Self-Help Has Become A Hustle

The $1.8 trillion self-help industry has spawned an army of influencers selling quick fixes and "ultra-human" routines. This piece exposes the commercialization of wellness and offers a framework for authentic self-development.

Wake up at 5 AM.

Take a cold shower.

Meditate for an hour.

Hit the gym.

Journal.

Read 50 pages. All before breakfast.

Sound familiar?

We’re living in an era where self-improvement has become a ruthless competition. Where every moment not spent “optimizing” feels like failure. Where influencers sell us the promise of becoming “ultra-human” – if only we follow their morning routine, buy their course, or join their mastermind.

But here’s the paradox that David Brooks captures perfectly in this quote:

The more aggressively we chase self-improvement, the more we seem to lose ourselves.

Humanity has become performance-based, prioritizing external validation — likes, views, titles, and accolades — over the quieter, deeper levels of personal growth and wisdom.

Welcome to what sociologists call “achievement society” – where your worth is measured by your productivity, and personal development has been reduced to a series of metrics on a spreadsheet.

While skills that bring success and attention are undeniably valuable (I would never argue against that), they can overshadow virtues that don’t visibly “pay off” in immediate rewards. Think humility, empathy, and deep introspection.

So modern society rewards visibility over morality. This leads to an imbalance where we prioritize appearing successful over genuinely becoming thoughtful or reflective individuals.

Due to this, success, beauty, discipline and ambition aren’t just goals anymore … they are requirements if you want the most out of life. The big message is; “If you’re not constantly improving, you’re falling behind. And if you’re falling behind — you’re failing.”

It’s no wonder that 1 in 5 adults are lonely. How could anyone have time when they are busy trying to become an ultra human?

This is purely my opinion of how social media culture has influenced folks journey to self improvement.

However we’re definitely living in an age where anyone with a phone can broadcast thoughts (good or bad) to millions. So naturally, “wellness” has become less about actual wellbeing and more about aesthetics and engagement metrics. Where being seen doing the work has become more important than the actual work itself.

I have a problem with this because, historically, self-improvement was spiritual and philosophical. It was about transforming the soul — via fasting, reflection, silence, reading, maybe even suffering. But today? It’s about achievement, productivity, and optimization.

Often times through a product or service that is being offered by some wellness brand or influencer.

This imbalance of prioritizing achievements can and will lead to burnout and isolation. This is because genuine fulfillment majority of the time comes from depth rather than just generic outward milestones or accomplishments.

So the traits that actually matter in self development (humility, sympathy, honest self-reflection) are being talked about less in the favor of buzzwords and ultra routines.

In this essay, I aim to present a healthier approach to holistic self mastery. We will learn to balance the outer game (achievement, status, skills) with your inner growth (empathy, humility, mindfulness).

As a disclaimer I use Self Improvement, Self Mastery and Self Actualization interchangeably throughout out this letter. I understand these can mean different things.

If you are interested in this method then the next 20 or so minutes can give you massive life altering value. But if you want cheap quick dopamine hits, then you might want to go somewhere else.

Internet Weaponized Self Improvement

The health and wellness industry has ballooned up to a $1.8 trillion global market.

A large majority of this market being in the Millennial and Gen Z camp.

It didn’t use to always be like this.

As you may suspect, personal development can be traced back thousands of years to ancient civilization.

In the East, teachings from Taoism, Buddhism, and Hinduism emphasized self-awareness, mindfulness, discipline, and inner peace.

While in the west, Stoic philosophers like Marcus Aurelius and Seneca encouraged virtues like wisdom, temperance, and resilience, framing self-improvement as a moral and philosophical pursuit focused on character and inner development.

Then we saw Self-Help taking a different route into the 19th and 20th century. Most give Samuel Smiles credit for birthing the self help genre with his book simply titled, “Self Help” that was released in 1859.

Later on Dale Carnegie’s How to Win Friends and Influence People (1936) brought self-improvement into mainstream culture. Blending psychology and social skills into an easy to read package. Many people still have this book on the Mount Rushmore of self mastery books.

Now due in large part to Dale Carnegie and many other folks that popularized self improvement, the niche quickly exploded in the late 1900s and has continued a meteoric rise up until today.

With the rise of technology, self-improvement moved into the multi-channel industry we know today. From online courses to life coaches, viral gurus to wellness influencers – everyone had access to endless resources promising to unlock their full potential.

The good part is, it made self development that much easier to consume and practice. Unfortunately, it also made it easier than ever to give out the advice. The barrier to entry for giving self advice has never been lower.

Because of this, the self improvement market has inevitably be commercialized. Transforming authentic self-improvement into another product to sell.

Brands, influencers, and celebrities eagerly position themselves within the wellness space. Not because they deeply care about health or personal growth, but because it taps into fundamental human desires: success, acceptance, happiness, and fulfillment.

These universal needs are potent motivators because everyone, at some level, grapples with insecurities and personal dissatisfaction. So it’s relevant for everyone.

Sadly though, the commercialization of self-improvement or life-maxing began thriving on our universal vulnerabilities. Leveraging them as “Pain Points”.

A pain point, in marketing terms, is a specific problem causing distress, frustration, or dissatisfaction for potential customers. Businesses strategically present themselves as holding the keys to resolving these deeply personal struggles.

Business 101, so I can’t even be mad about it.

Hormozi has a famous quote:

He is essentially saying — that if you can accurately identify and articulate the pain a prospect is experiencing, they will almost always buy what you are offering.

So in other words, if businesses and influencers can effectively magnify and exploit your insecurities — your desire to be happier, richer, healthier, or more accepted — then they can create an irresistible sales funnel.

A perfect example of that is this.

This aligns with the Pain Pleasure Principle. People make choices to avoid or decrease pain and make choices that create or increase pleasure.

So while this has not only weaponized self improvement to sell products, it also reinforces unrealistic standards on the consumer. Implying that to achieve X goal you have to be willing to do or purchase Y thing to achieve that goal.

This in turn spawns a cycle. More insecurities, more products, more profits for these businesses and influencers.

This is then fueled by the fact that social media is so heavily relied upon in today’s society.

We were never prepared to have this much access to this many people with a few clicks on our phone.

This poses the question of how do we navigate in the digital world with all this toxic advice? The answer to that is saying as old as time: Know Thyself.

Before consuming or purchasing anything wellness related, ask yourself:

• What is MY vision and aspirations for myself?
• Does this thing help me achieve that vision?
• What do you stand to gain from that thing?

This self awareness will become your internal filter. It will become your vessel for navigating the process that is self improvement.

You might even be wondering, with the rise of AI this is only going to get worse and harder to filter through. I completely agree. You have to be selective of the type of content you engage in during your journey.

If any piece of advice has a tik tok shop link at the bottom….it’s probably no bueno.

Self Mastery A Gift & A Curse

At its core, self mastery is about control and conscious growth. As one definition puts it:

This definition captures why we’re naturally drawn to self mastery. It promises those essential human needs we talked about earlier:

• Safety/security
• Love/belonging
• Esteem
• Self-actualization

These fundamental desires aren’t random - they directly map onto what psychologists have identified as our core human needs. These needs are what we naturally seek to fulfill and what is motivates our behavior. best illustrated by Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs.

Without going too deep — we start at the bottom of the pyramid with basic survival needs. As these are met, we naturally progress toward higher goals: social connections, self-esteem, and ultimately what Maslow called ‘Self Actualization’ — living up to our full potential.

Maslow describes this as living up to one’s potential and becoming who we really are.

But here’s where modern self-improvement culture gets it wrong: You can’t skip steps. You can’t jump straight to self-actualization through a 30-day challenge or a miracle morning routine. There is nothing that can get you from point A to point B instantly. The journey up the pyramid is gradual, messy, and deeply personal.

This is where self mastery becomes both a gift and a curse.

Let me give a personal anecdote to crystalize this. When I was a youngin and discovered the world of self improvement — I tried a lot of shit. Running, basketball, fasting, reading, cold showers, waking up a the crack of dawn, trying everything to optimize my environment.

Naturally, some things stuck and other things didn’t. What I didn’t realize was happening at the time, was during the process of me trying to basically find myself, a mental checklist was being programmed into my mind.

If I didn’t checkoff all these new habits or progress in my new hobby on a daily basis then I would consider the day a failure. Even though I was a full-time student (in a relatively hard major), with a full time job and doing my best to maintain a semblance of a social life.

This caused me a ton of stress as one could imagine. So I started thinking something was wrong with me. Everyone on my feeds was perfect. From everything I saw, they were getting all that stuff done AND more. How tf are people doing so much with the same 24 hours as me?

That was when I realized that the actual self improvement that the internet pushed on me was causing my downfall. I completely ignored the fact that I was in college, getting decent grades in a tuff major, working full time, had my own apartment, my own whip. I had to sit there and really reflect like damn? I’m highkey going dumb. 15 year old Roy woulda thought I was him.

As you climb Maslow’s pyramid, you’ll inevitably need to seek knowledge and guidance beyond your immediate circle. This means turning to books, mentors, online resources, and yes – social media. And that’s where the trap lies.

This the trap I am trying to warn folks from getting captured in. As you ascend Maslow’s pyramid you will need to intake outside information. A lot of times through social media or online discourse.

This is where you can either buy into the ultra human wellness side of the algorithm and shame yourself when you don’t examine every food label you purchase. Or understand that you need to develop your internal filter. You must be able to reject performative wellness for the sake of modern “wellness”.

It took me awhile to understand this. And even longer to source what an actual wellness foundation looks like. So instead of trying to check off endless lists of optimization habits, I focused on core principles.

As a disclaimer, your foundation can and WILL look different than mine. Regardless, here are some general rules to live by to get you started:

1. Physical Wellbeing: Simple movement daily (like 10k steps) and basic nutrition (protein-focused meals)
2. Mental Growth: Daily learning through reading or meaningful conversation
3. Emotional Balance: Regular reflection and self-compassion (don’t overly crique yourself but be stern when looking in the mirror)
4. Social Connection: Making time for genuine relationships (it’s not as cool as you think being a lone wolf, trust me)
5. Purpose: Align your daily actions with your core values (put thought into this)

The beauty of this approach is its flexibility. Some days you might excel in all areas. Other days, you might only manage one or two. Both are perfectly fine, because real self mastery isn’t about perfection, nor should it be. It’s about progress. Optimizing every hour of your day and beating yourself up over non checked to do list isn’t the answer to self actualization.

If I had to continue that quote by James Clear to sum this section of the video up it would be :Your self-mastery is a lagging measure of your patience, compassion, and willingness to accept yourself as a work in progress.

If you don’t check yourself and celebrate your little wins along the way then you will inevitably be reduced to stress and burnout. You can’t accomplish everything inside of 6 months no matter what the gurus tell you online. You can accomplish a lot in by getting organized.

This is a lifelong race. One that should be handled with care and patience.

Seven Year Rule

​Always In Search of A Better ME​

That was a poem by Heids Becker on TikTok. The comments on the video are telling:

What these people are describing is the illusion of the Final Form (frieza reference, iykyk).

The same way there is no perfect house, ar, or family — there is no perfect you.

There is no version of you that is content and ready for every single thing that comes up in your lifespan.

So if your getting into wellness because you think one day everything will be peaches and cream — then I have to stop you right there.

Wellness is a lifelong struggle. One that has many ups and downs.

There is no single accomplishment or goal you can hit right now that will lead you to full self mastery. You could hit the lotto tomorrow and still be overweight, have family problems or a reactionary personality.

That degree.

That new job.

That promotion.

That new apartment or house.

Once you settle in you realize, your still you at the core of all of this.

There is no final you. You are running an infinite marathon that is specially tailored to your life story. So accept this and go about life as if you are constantly evolving because you are.

There is a quick read on the 7 Year Rule that is massive in understanding this concept.

I love the 7 Year Rule because it remidns us of the truth: you are neither defined by your past nor are you bound to some imagined perfect future self. True self-mastery isn’t about reaching a final form — it’s about showing up in the present moment, again and again, with intention.

While the wellness industry sells endpoints and transformations, real growth happens in the quiet moments between milestones. It’s in choosing your direction rather than fixating on destinations. It’s in embracing the journey — good days, bad days, and all the uncertain days in between.

This is the paradox of self-improvement: accepting that there is no final version of you to achieve. There is only this moment, this choice, this next step forward on your unique path to your unique vision. I talk a bit about building vision here.

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